We are aware that our thoughts which are internal, are only real to us and no one else so in that sense they are real. And yet, our thoughts do not exist outside of our awareness. There is nowhere else you can find the thought in your head right now.
We know it is the attention we give to the thought that keeps them alive otherwise they appear and disappear without notice, it is said in a day we have 2100-3000 thoughts per hour! “Like fireflies they appear and disappear in the theater in my head” As you can see, it is not possible to remember or offer attention to all of them! So how do we select those thought we remember? And put simply, the answer is in how we are feeling at the moment i.e. where we are in life, we connect the internal world [thought] to the external. If I am happy, I appear to have one happy thought after another and if I am sad I get a chain of unhappy thoughts.
We all know that a sad song can make us sad for long periods after the song and the same goes for a good uplifting film, we experience some happiness long after watching the film. The point is I have to consciously give attention to a thought for that thought to have an impact in my life experiences, the problem is we are not in control of our thoughts they appear to be in charge! We need to regain the control be aware of influences around us pay attention to how we are feeling, having the intention to be happy. Be aware that external influences can direct us to pay attention to thoughts we would otherwise have ignored! In fact the whole marketing industry depends on this!
How freeing it is to know that if we do not attend to a thought, answer it, change it, identify with it and all the rest, it literally ceases to exist. If we let a thought be nothing, then that’s what it will be… nothing.
Our mind does not often switch off, we think, and we think a lot. This is something we do naturally, We get a thought, and then another one, it is a continuous process. And, it happens over and over again, like a flowing river. It is this aspect of thoughts that we wish to control especially as thoughts influence our every activity and such we would love to prolong the good effects we get from thoughts and lessen those that are having a negative effect on us. There are strategies you can use to bring attention or to starve a thought
- Take Responsibility
You have free will, to think any thought you choose. The more you pay attention to what you are thinking the better able you are to change your approach. That starts with building an awareness by dissecting your thoughts. Once you begin to ask yourself who is thinking these thoughts in the first place we begin to understand the source of the thought. We begin to realise there is someone – ‘your consciousness’, observing what you are thinking and start taking conscious decision to stop bad thoughts or linger on good enjoyable thoughts.
- Focus On What You Want
Focus on what you want sounds so simple and it is, we get what we think of. Reflect back to when you walk into a supermarket which holds thousands on thousands of products, we do not go there and walk out with everything there! We select what we want and need at this time, tomorrow we will have a different selection. The focus we give to our shopping list ensures we get exactly what we want. Do the same in life as we say ‘if you seek you will find’, ‘knock and the door will be opened for you’. The key is, just as we go shopping, it is important to have a list prepared before hand otherwise we do end up buying all sorts. And remember what we say ‘never go shopping on an empty stomach’, Having a list to focus on is not enough you first have to take stock of the good thing [ingredients you already have at home so as not to duplicate buy from the supermarket]. Make a list of what is important to you, appreciating gifts in your life and when you focus on that, you will get that you seek.
Remember what you focus on expands and that is alright, I may wish to have a black car, but as I walk about during the day seeing black cars every where, as it happens, I start to focus on what type of black car I want-big, small, sporty, family, to the interior I would prefer! My black car thought I had this morning, by evening, it has expanded. The main thing here is I do not stop focusing, I improve my list with details I now know of and focus, happy in the thought I now know more about black cars. Wish for miracles to happen rather than let miracles surprise you. Better to invest your time dreaming, imagining and then planning what you want to bring into physical reality.
- Do not Believe Everything You are Told or Read.
“We are what we believe we are” ; Benjamin N. Cardozo (1870-1938) said.
In this age of advanced interactions through other sources than face to face, we have lost the ‘check’ mechanism which we get when chat face to face – you can have a ‘feeling’ of the narrative, to believe it or not. When reading, you are void of facial expressions, tone or body language of the narrator. You solely depend on what you know or have heard before. Now if you do not read widely or know much, your ‘check’ mechanism will be found wanting and the tendency is to believe what you are now reading. The risk here is, almost everyone now can put out information through the social media with little or no check at all.
The danger now is, you could base all your future read on this information and it could influence your believes and principals, your lifestyle and even who you associate with, eat/drink etc.
Remember wisdom and knowledge are not the same. There are many intelligent people on this planet who have acquired great educational accolades with many qualifications after their name yet they often succumb to thinking in very narrow ways. To be open to universal intelligence you need to have a whole brain which means you need to be able to ‘feel’ as well as think and to follow your intuitive ‘hunches’ which cannot be explained in a rational left-brained way. Employ this ‘hunch’ which is our gift from nature to protect ourselves.
- Counsel Yourself.
Self counsel has certain benefits, for one, it is cheaper and you know ‘you’ better than anyone out there. Making a habit to take time out ‘to gather’ yourself has benefit such as, you;
- Learn to feel better about yourself.
- Work through your problems.
- Identify the goals that you have in life and what you hope to achieve.
- Identify the people in your life that will be supportive of your goals and aspirations.
- Learn new behaviours and responses that can help you to achieve your goals.
- Feel more at peace, more comfortable, and more secure in the world and being in public.
- Feel more connected with others, especially with those who are close to you, such as your spouse, immediate family, or children.
- Reduce the daily stresses that you are confronted with.
- Understand your thoughts, feelings, and responses, and give you ideas on which thoughts to improve, if needed.
- Establish and implement new ways and techniques for reaching your goals.
- Open up about any fears and doubts that you might have so that you can get the proper tools to combat those fears.
- Put yourself on the path of working towards self fulfillment and personal joy.
- Have inner bliss
Try to be ‘easy’ on yourself, yelling at yourself and certainly not by scolding or criticizing yourself will improve you, but by speaking kindly to yourself just as you would if you were counselling a friend.
By listening to your thoughts, your body, your feelings and taking each and every thought seriously. If you have that thought or that feeling, you are having it for a reason. ‘Think’ those thoughts that have come to your consciousness. The more you ignore those thoughts, the stronger and stronger they come back.
How often do you catch and berate yourself for what you did wrong? Are you always thinking and wondering if it was your fault and what you could have done different or better? Rather than telling yourself everything you did wrong, what you forgot or how you messed up, tell yourself nice things about you. Learn form the experiences, know we cannot change what is done good or bad, try let go and move on. Convince yourself it is getting better, it must be, for one, we know more today than we knew yesterday, so we have more tools to deal with today.
You are worth the time and energy. Tell yourself so. Talk to yourself. Be nice. Give yourself breaks and holidays. Give yourself worry free evenings and meditation time. Go shopping or watch the game. Do things for you and talk to yourself about how being ‘you’ is great. Know how good, great you are even before others tell you.
Here are a few tips to help you step into “counselor” mode when you or someone you care about is feeling worried or disturbed about something.
- Accept this moment as it is, it is the best it can be, it is NOW.
- Accept your life as a work in progress.
- Focus on forgiving the past, not because the events were forgivable, but because resentment is so toxic to you.
- Dwell on all you have to be grateful for, remembering you were a major factor in having them.
- Abandon the need for outside approval. Live a life that ‘YOU’ approve.
- Be compassionate with your emotions. It is okay to feel whatever you feel.
- Value your own uniqueness so you can value the distinctiveness of those you have conflicts with.
Know that our thoughts throw a much wider net than just our own mind, reaching out into a higher consciousness that seems to be prevalent through all time and space.
When we open up to formally share our knowledge with others whether that be on a one to one basis, group format or via a communications medium like this blog, know we have the power to accelerate powerful shifts in others and ourselves, to uplift and inspire. It takes courage to sometimes go against a prevailing way of thinking, a mainstream, a history. Start with yourself and enjoy the changes to occur in your life.
- Meditation
One of the great traditions in meditation is clearing the mind. This skill has many indirect, positive effects. Normally, the mind jumps from one set of associations to another. The Buddhists had a name for this common condition, ‘the monkey mind’. Clear thinking is lost in a sea of many associated thoughts rushing around. Once you learn how to empty your mind, quiet the mind, you will be able to think more clearly.
When the sea is rough, sediment are churned up and the waters become murky, but when the wind dies down, the mud gradually settles the water becomes clear. In a similar way, when the otherwise incessant flow of our distracting thoughts is calmed through meditation, our mind becomes unusually lucid and clear.
When we quiet the mind and dwell on the calmness, our mind becomes still, a deep happiness and contentment naturally arises from within. This feeling of contentment and well being helps us to manage our busy and challenges of daily life.
Much of the stress and tension we normally experience comes from our mind, and many of the problems we experience, including ill health, are caused or aggravated by stress. Just by observing simple meditation for ten or fifteen minutes each day, we are able to reduce stress to manageable levels, to experience a calm, spacious feeling in the mind, and many of our usual problems fall away. Difficult situations become easier to deal with, we feel warm and well disposed towards other people, and our relationships with others gradually improve.
REMEMBER TO AFFIRM ‘MY LIFE IS MINE TO LIVE’.
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